Aside from a few plagiarism concerns, here are some points that everyone should pay attention to as they revise.

1. The first concern was often a lack of a clearly stated thesis. Make sure the essay's thesis makes it clear why the reader should care about what is being argued, what's at stake. Without a clear thesis, there is generally not enough of an articulated context in which to explain why each of the support points matters. As a writer, a clear direction is often less easily developed without a thesis that charts the course.
2. Following the thesis, paragraph development was a consistent concern. Here's what I suggest as a model to follow:
   • Open with a sentence that makes it clear what the point, which is in support of the thesis, is. The statement can be, and maybe ought to be, something as straight forward as A second reason NCAA Division One football needs to settle the championship with a play off format is that the mathematical models have become so complex as to be bordering on lunacy.
   • The topic statement should be followed with some explanation as to why the idea(s) in topic statement itself matter. Utilitarianism is a good epistemological model for determining whether or not the Iraq War, otherwise known as Operation Iraqi Freedom, is moral because it provides a fairly objective set of criteria by which one can make a decision.
   • The next paragraph element should be some specific example, maybe following on from the second part of the paragraph, and maybe from the research. According to blah, blah, blah, the financial concerns with developing a city-wide wifi network can undermine even the most noble project. The city of Philadelphia recently was abandoned by internet service provider Earthlink because Earthlink was not able to overcome the technical concerns plaguing the project in a way that serve targeted populations in a way that Earthlink could make a profit" (Blah XX). This example, perhaps weak as it is, provides specific examples and research material. This could be done in one sentence, two, or more.
   • Finally, the paragraph needs to be explained in a way that ties it back to the thesis. Based on General Motors recalling and destroying the few battery powered cars they let into the hands of the public indicates that not only are battery powered cars not yet a viable approach to solving transportation needs presently tethered to fossil fuels, but this also has led some to questions whether auto manufacturers are not committed to such an approach.

This is pretty much it beyond what I wrote on the note attached to your essay or scribbled in the margins. If you have questions, let me know. I won't be on campus Tuesday, but will come in Wednesday if you want to sit down and have a chat about revising. Otherwise, revisions are due Thursday.

If I don't see you, enjoy your summer.

Presentation Goals

You will have several goals with your oral presentation:

1. To provide a seven-minute overview of your project
2. To provide the overview using no more than one note card. No reading allowed.
3. To provide your classmates with a clear indication of each of the following:
a. --the problem you looked at
b. --your research methodologies (not "I used the internet" but "I started a search on google by using the key word "blah blah" had too many hits and then I changed it to "yada" get fewer. In proquest I . . . ")

Here's a good radio story on a band and their story that touches on what might be the ineptitude of the music industry and censorship both. Good rock 'n roll too: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90994852

Here's a link that might be of use to your argument: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/31/opinion/31sat4.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

If nothing else, it will have the names of some experts to look into.

I think Keegan and Steve will want to look at this article and dig a little more into the story: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/364382_downloads24.html

Spenser will want to look at this one: http://www.spokesmanreview.com/opinion/story.asp?ID=246146 (The spokesman is kinda screwy about granting access, but the article can be found in the Saturday paper.) But here's something from the NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/25/opinion/25sun1.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

For those of you who weren't in class on Thursday--Jason, Scott, Steve, Keegan, Breanna, and Spenser--please post your literature review in the blog and then respond to two others. The literature review is due for grading on Tuesday, the 27th. From there, we'll move on to the final project, constructing the argument itself. Here's a link to the questions you need to respond to for the drafts.

My son gashed his leg open when he fell on his bicycle yesterday so I was up with him most of the night while he couldn't sleep. I'll see you on Tuesday. I think we may push the reading draft of the literature review back a day, but I'll have to give it some thought before doing so. I suggest using the time to find some sources. Feel free to email me with any questions.

This is information to help you put together the literature review portion of your final project. Read the assignment itself for the information you need to get started.

No class, Wednesday may 7. On Thursday we will be reading and responding to project proposals. Be sure to have yours posted in the blog before coming to class. Revised summaries are also due on Thursday. Be sure to provide both the commented upon and graded copy and the new copy with all revisions highlighted.

Have a draft of your research methodology posted for response.