Everyday we are constantly influenced by television ads, radio ads, billboards, and by other people. The book UnSpun: Finding Facts in a World of Disinformation by Brooks Jackson and Kathleen Hall Jamieson, talks about ways to try and avoid falling for these things that try and manipulate us into buy a certain product or falling for the wrong political candidate because of one thing they said. Chapter Two, “A Bridesmaids Bad Breath," talks a lot about how an ad can seem “too good too be true." That is why we tend to buy something we don’t need. Advertisers often create an ad that makes their product seem so amazing that people often fall for it.

Chapter Two of UnSpun, “A Bridesmaids Bad Breath,” starts off explaining the FUD factor. FUD means “fear, uncertainty, and doubt. The FUD factor is used by companies and politicians to manipulate us by appeals to our fears and insecurities. Companies use it to persuade us to buy their products and politicians use it to get us to either turn to their side or turn against another. Advertisers don’t just use the FUD factor when trying to sell their product. They can also use the “too good too be true” method. This is when companies take their product and enhance it to make it seem better then what it really is and makes it stand out from other products. Sometimes the product seems so perfect and exactly what you’ve been looking for. That’s when you need to look more into detail about it and figure out weather or not it is as good as it says. Instead of something being “too good too be true”, companies and politicians may compare two things and make one seem better than another. Companies may use words such as “better”, “faster”, “larger”, and “better tasting” to make the product stand out form others. But what they usually don’t tell you are what they are comparing it to. This tactic is called dangling comparative. “Just as comparative words are warning signs [when trying to make a choice, weather it may be a product or political], so are superlatives such as “most” and “highest” and claims such as “biggest in history” or “smallest ever”.” These claims can lead us to purchasing needless products that are over priced and make “shallow political claims”. Often on the Internet or in commercials you will see the “pay you Tuesday” con. This is when a product is offered and you must pay for it, but later on down the road there are benefits to it. What you realize is that the benefits are not offered right away, and that is a sign that you may just not receive that benefit. They are just interested in you buying their product. Often in politics you will see many politicians blaming one another for something that has gone wrong. But what you don’t know is that this is often done out of opinion and not over facts This is a ways politicians try and get you to agree with their opinion or take their side. A lot of companies us slogans to try and lour you in and think there product or service is the best. They use the slogan to give you a good feeling about them and because of that good feeling, there are no questions asked and you believe you are getting something good. Companies aren’t just the only thing that that use what we call “glittering generalities”, politicians use them as well. Politicians will use certain words or phrases to make themselves look good

That something is to good to be true is one of our society's biggest issues. If you watch television, try to count how many products seem perfect as described by their makers. How often do you find a product add that tells you its flaws? Not very often from what I have seen. One major example right now on television is all the dieting adds out there. The problem is we don’t just find them on television. They’re all over the internet and radio, and even on billboards. Its amazing to think how many people out there fall for the adds that tell you that you can loose 50 pounds in one month without exercise and you can even eat anything you want. In the back of our minds we all know that to stay healthy and fit, we have to eat right, exercise, and get a good night's rest. A lot of people don’t see this, but dieting adds use celebrity power to try and persuade you to buy the product. We all want to look as great as those celebrities, so we feel that if they use it, then we need to as well to look like them. The biggest problems with these ads are, the lack of concern towards the people who want to buy them. They don’t ask you what you are allergic to, or if you have ever had some odd reaction to a certain product. All they want is your money. This “too good too be true” add is so misleading and manipulating that it can cause harm to the public, maybe even resulting in death due to the lack of concern.

Clearly, we need to not let the “too good too be true” and any other manipulation of the government and companies influence our decisions and opinions. We need to look more into depth and try and understand what we are about to purchase or decide on a little better, not just for our own benefit, but also for the world around us.

Commentary on this Draft

This draft presents a decent start to the assignment, but it needs work. I'll describe some of my concerns here.

The essay starts off well enough, but fails to provide a clear claim to guide the development of the response. A reader might ask themselves "so what if advertisers make people fall for false claims? Why is this of interest or importance?" This is also the sort of question I, as the teacher will ask. Make it clear with the thesis that there is something for the reader to gain, something to learn, something of interest or importance to be taken away from reading the essay. The thesis is the place to make this clear.

The summary works pretty well as a precis, but at this point, it's good to have some specific examples to illustrate each of the various points. The text provides quite a few examples for each of the points covered in this summary, so provide one for each. That will fill out the summary and give your reader a clear sense of what the chapter covers, without them having to read the chapter.

The response works well as a skeleton, but it needs some meat on its bones. The writer refers to various advertisements, celebrities and the like. The thing that will put meats on the bones are examples and descriptions of specific advertisements she has seen online, in print or on the television. There is Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and countless other approaches to "dieting" that are pushed in various media. In her revision, this writer did provide such examples.

The conclusion is rather thin, largely because there is no point to drive home, so the reader is given a bit of restatement. This is rarely a satisfying way to wrap up an essay. The conclusion is the writer's last chance to get readers to see things as the writer does. This requires a clear claim/thesis otherwise there is no point to drive home. As the writer, this is your last chance to make an appeal to your reader, to plug the concern into a broader, but related, context, to make it clear why this matters, not just with dieting, but with life in general or some such thing.

Keep these sorts of things in mind as your read, write, and rewrite, as well as when you respond to other essays.