essay four
“Change in Washington” is exactly what Obama promises and he is the candidate that can reinstate this country into what our forefathers originally created America to be like. To prove that Obama will be the perfect candidate for president this essay will look at his plan for foreign policy, health care, economy, and environment.
On Obama’s foreign policy page his plans for change consist of: talking to our Friends as well as our foes, expanding our Diplomatic Presence, getting the United States more involved with fighting global poverty, institute bipartisanship and openness, including many other plans. To make diplomacy a priority, Obama plans to expand and develop “the capacity of our civilian aid workers to work alongside the military” in the “hopeless corners of the world”. These are just a few of Obama’s plan to change our country’s foreign policy.
For Obama the biggest problem with health care in the United States is that 47 million Americans, including almost nine million children, are in need of health insurance. What makes this problem worse is that the cost of health care is sky rocketing. Another problem that Obama believes needs to be addressed is that “the nation faces epidemics of obesity and chronic diseases as well as new threats of pandemic flu and bioterrorism. Obama presents a three fold plan consisting of affordable coverage for all, lowering costs by modernizing the health care system, and fight for new initiatives. Through this plan he wants to make available a new national plan to all Americans that guarantees eligibility, benefits similar to that offered through Federal Employees Health Benefits Program, affordable premiums, and simplified paperwork.
Obama proposes a stimulus of $20 billion to jumpstart the economy; $10 billion to help responsible home owners through a difficult time and $10 billion for state and local governments that are dealing with revenue shortfalls because of the weakening economy. Obama also hopes to provide a tax relief for the middle class. He plans to cut income taxes by $1,000 to compensate the payroll tax that working families pay. Also “Barack Obama will increase federal support for research, technology and innovation for companies and universities so that American families can lead the world in creating new advanced jobs and products.”
Obama also is planning to head more towards renewable resources and leading away from America’s dependency on foreign oil and natural gas. He plans to explore different types of renewable resources such as solar power, ethyl powered engines, cellulosic fuel, and wind power to determine which will improve America’s vehicles and rid the citizens of nasty, over priced gas prices.
There are a few reasons that would lead many voters towards John McCain as a more acceptable candidate. First off he was prisoner of war during Vietnam and may understand better than Obama how war affects the soldiers involved. He also is older the Obama, who is extremely inexperienced and young, which gives him the experience and timely knowledge needed to run the country.
The biggest thing that is against McCain in this election is his lack of speech presentation. He commonly will go off script and will somehow say something that is inappropriate. For instance he has repeatedly referred to the Czech Republic as Czechoslovakia, which was split into two different countries about fourteen years ago.
Since Obama’s ideas are well formulated and are designed to help our country. Obama clearly has then citizens and the country in mind. We’ve seen this through his proposed plans on foreign policy, healthcare, economy and the environment.
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to lauren
As you get this ready to submit, don't forget to include the UnSpun passage that can set up the discussion. Also keep in mind that nothing can be proved with an argument of this sort. The general goal is to get your reader to see that the point being argued is one they should pay attention to and see some validity in. if you can get your reader, someone who disagrees, to see the merit in what you put forth, you have done well. Your thesis can be something along the lines of "Voting for Obama will restore America with regards to X, Y and Z." Then X, Y and Z are examined in three body paragraphs, evidence is provided, and an explanation as to why this is a good thing should conclude the paragraph.
Each of the four points needs to be fleshed out at this point and supported with some research. They all start well enough, providing a topic statement about what will be examined in the paragraph. Follow the topic statements with some description or explanation as to why these issues matter. Then provide examples from research to show the specifics of what Obama will do in each regard and what experts in the field think about this. Conclude each paragraph with some explanation as to why this means a vote for Obama is a good thing for America and Americans.
The opposing view will be developed somewhat similarly, showing how McCain might have reasonably good ideas or positions on the various issues. But that is then refuted/rebutted to show that however good or reasonable McCain is, Obama is still the better choice based on whatever you have to counter the McCain views.
There's quite a bit of work to do yet, but the framework is there, in need of some flesh on its bones.
Bradley
Introduction: I think that
Introduction: I think that you are very clear and get right to the point. You could add a little more to draw in the reader.
Essay focus: I think that you need a more defined rebuttal to the John McCain paragraph separate from your conclusion.
Organization: I agree that you may want to use some different opening statements for your paragraphs. I think that you could also add more to the paragraph as well, some of them seem a little thin.
Adequacy of response to assignment: I agree that you need more development on the John McCain paragraph and also to create a separate paragraph for your rebuttal. You can also make a conclusion that drives your thesis home.
Appropriateness of topic: yes, I think that it is very appropriate for college students who are going to vote in this election.
Intro: Your thesis is very
Intro: Your thesis is very clear. However, addressing just a few issues cannot justify why someone would be a perfect candidate overall, but rather why they might be favorable on those particular issues.
Essay focus: You keep the focus well throughout the essay.
Development of ideas and/or experiences: Make sure your topic sentences cover the whole of each paragraph. You relate back to the thesis in every paragraph except the second to last. Restructuring and/or adding to your thesis would fix that.
Organization: Organization is difficult with so broad a topic. You might want to consider using more transitional phrases to bridge each paragraph and make the essay flow.
Wording/structure/conventions: The wording is easy to understand, but again, more transitional phrases would be nice. In the first line of the second paragraph, I don’t think you need a colon. Don’t forget citing.
Adequacy of response to assignment: I think you should give more reasons of why McCain would be chosen over Obama, as well as shoot down those reasons in the next paragraph.
Appropriateness of topic: Your topic may be a little too broad. Narrowing to one or two issues would allow you to go more in depth with each item and make stronger arguments.
Introduction needs to
Introduction needs to introduce the text of unSpun and a quote.
Thesis seems to give direction but needs to give some kind of challenge.
The examples you used are good points but need to be tied with the thesis.
The argument is strong can be developed some more.
Make sure you use four sources to quote some supporting information and a work cited page.
It's a good start!