Rough Draft- Chapter 4
Gambling
John Stuart Mill’s asks "How much of human life should be assigned to individuality, and how much to society?"(Page unknown). The argument in which I choose to address is how gambling not only affects society, but how it affects the lives of the families with living with an avid gambler. Gambling should be illegal due to the distress it may infringe, not only causing families to fall apart, also causing society financial issues. When answering Mill’s question gambling is a trait of a person’s individuality, nevertheless it should be monitored by society how much a person is allowed to visit the casino’s or play the lotto, even go as far as to outlaw it completely.
Gambling takes a major toll on society that not very many people may know about. People are able to argue that state lotteries are able to painlessly raise taxes. By raising these taxes evidence shows that this often causes the most harm to the poor and the underprivileged. One billion dollars can be formed from this “painless” rise in our taxes. It is shown that more money is staked on gambling than on education. Do people honestly believe that gambling there money away is more important than a person’s right to education?
When gamblers anonymous first came into play twelve million people voluntarily participated. But from dealing with a personal experience gamblers do not recognize that they have a problem, they turn the blame onto others or come up with excuses for why they do not have any money right after they receive a paycheck. It is recorded that the average compulsive gambler has a debt up to eighty thousand dollars, whether from family neglect, embezzlement, theft and involvement with organized crime (Bad Society Policy).
Coming from a family perspective gambling is extremely destructive. Spending all the money that should go to bills on lottery tickets, black jack or the slot machines. Gamblers will go as far as too leave their children waiting in a lounge area while they feed their addiction. Kids tend to suffer the most from their parent’s missteps, they are sponges and they soak up everything they hear. Twenty four percent of compulsive gamblers grew up in a home with parent’s that had gambling issues.
*this is not close to being done, i'm currently waiting for a book to be transferred to the library.
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gambling
I suggest opening the essay with a brief tale about some family torn apart by gambling. Having lived in Las Vegas, I could tell you a few. However, a quick review of the writing about gambling addiction should turn up a story you can use. This will put a human face on the issue and make it something your reader can better relate to, getting them a step closer to accepting your view on gambling.
In developing the argument, you want each point to have a full paragraph of its own: family destruction, financial hardship, social breakdown, preying on the poor and so on. Provide a topic sentence (gambling hurts the poor the most), some explanation as to why this matters (the poor have less money to lose and are generally less educated, not knowing the odds are greatly against them), provide some evidence from the research with a citation, then provide an explanation tying the paragraph back to the thesis.
The opposing view could be drawn from Mill, that if I don't harm others, then it's their money to lose. But that can be refuted by showing how much damage is done to others, not just family, but area businesses, co-workers, by problem gambling.
Bradley
INTODUCTION- good job
INTODUCTION- good job introducing Mill. Explains what the essay is going to be about. Could use a little background information.
ESSAY FOCUS, THESIS or MAIN POINT- the argument was made- gambling should be outlawed, but there was no opposing view that was raised.
DEVELOPMENT of IDEAS and/or EXPERIENCE- experiences are provided. the rebuttal/refutation could be a stronger. citations are good.
ORGANIZATION, STRUCTURE and/or PARAGRAPHING- good. paragraphs have a topic statement and then a discussion. Also has examples and citations.
WORDING, SENTENCE STRUCTURE and CONVENTIONS of STANDARD AMERICAN ENGLISH- wording is good. i wanted to read more, so the essay should be good when it is complete.
ADEQUACY of RESPONSE to ASSIGNMENT- uses the ideas of Mill as a springboard. not complete but is a good start.
APPROPIATENESS of TOPIC TREATMENT for COLLEGE READING AUDIENCE- good topic for college level students. young adults can relate to this topic and its a good issue to write your paper on.
Introduction-You have a
Introduction-You have a pretty good introuction. Be sure to find where the quote is located in the book.
Essay Focus- Stayed on topic.Give some more examples maybe...
Development-So far its okay, just lengthen the paragraphs a bit more.
Organization-good, again you just need to lengthen paragraphs and put more info. in your essay.
Wording-good wording.
Adequacy-need to work on it a bit more, but interesting.
Appropriateness-you chose a goodtopic!