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Bradley Bleck
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Braun Webb Essay 2 Video

***** Please know that I realize I need more content. I have hit a wall! Im not sure what direction to go or if I'm even on the right path. Your comments and feed back would be much appreciated. Thanks everyone!

Braun Webb
English 101
Bradley Bleck
May 2, 2014

Essay One Revision Guidelines

Here are the revision requirements. First, I will not talk about essays in the 24-hours that follow my handing them back. I do this because I want you to think about the written comments and how they fit with your work. After that, I'm more than happy to answer emails or questions about what to address in a revision. I may be able to answer some questions in the blog as well, though maybe not. We can see.

  • If you earned a grade of C or above, your revision is optional. However, if you want an 'A' or 'B' out of the class, you'll likely be revising no matter what.
  • If you earned less than a C, your revision is required and you won't earn above a 0.0 in the class if you don't do this, even if you do all other work.
  • Highlight all revisions, using track changes, highlighting backgrounds or whatever, as long as it's legible. This is so you and I both can visualize how much revision has taken place.
  • Submit your commented upon and graded copy with the revision so I can see the changes.
  • Keep in mind that merely cleaning up things at the sentence level does not a revision make. I expect substantive changes to take place. If all you do is clean up your copy based on my scribbles, your grade will not change.
  • Ideally your grade will go up, but if you somehow make your essay worse, your grade will remain the same.
  • The revision is due during our Portfolio conference, either May 7, 8 or 9; late essays will be accepted no later than this date.

If I remember anything else, I'll add it back here. If you email or blog questions, be as specific as you can and I'll be better able to help. Don't just ask "What can I do to fix my essay?" but instead do something like this: "You said my essay needs to tie the various points together to make a single point. Is this what you are looking for: revised thesis?"

Essay Two Drafts

Weekend Expectations

  1. Post a complete draft of your second essay by midnight Friday.
  2. Respond to two drafts by no later than early Sunday morning, but better late than never.
    • As with the first assignment, only the first two responses will receive credit, unless they have a very, very, very close time stamp.
    • What needs to happen better, across the class, is the completeness of the responses. Respond to each of the criteria, and do so in as much depth as you can muster.
    • Response criteria and guidelines are posted just below this message.
  3. Take the advice you receive, and revise your essay as much as it makes sense to do so.
  4. At this point, if you have any questions, email me. I won't have time to read the whole essay and provide a response, but if you ask, "Can you tell me if my first response paragraph is doing as expected and working in support of the thesis?" Then I can do that. Don't forget to include that thesis and paragraph. You can ask about your introduction, your conclusion, or what ever, but I won't have time for a holistic reading of the whole essay.
  5. Bring a printed copy of the essay to class Monday morning for a final response reading.
  6. Submit your essay to me via email by midnight Monday. Sooner if you can.
  7. Sit back, breath a sigh of relief, and get ready for the conference you will sign up for on Monday. More about that later.

Points to address in the response (taken directly from the assignment)

You need not touch on each and everyone of these. If you see someone has touched on the point in a previous response, consider touching on others. It is as important to touch on what you see going well in conjunction with what you see needing work.

  • Introduction elements: hook, context/background, one sentence summary of both texts--the reading and the video, transition to thesis (maybe, if it seems rough) and a thesis, one that provides a concise statement of what should come to believe. The thesis should indicate why the particular claim is of interest or importance.
  • Body elements: Several, at least four most likely, body paragraphs, each with a clear topic statement (what's this about?), some explanation as to why the topic matters (why should readers care about this?), Some evidence/examples from both texts (Aristotle and video), and a warrant, the explanation tying the paragraph back to the thesis, connecting the dots of the thesis and point of the paragraph.
  • Conclusion: restatement of the thesis and major details is a good starting point, but go further. Plug the discussion into a broader context based on the context created by the thesis. Without touching on new ideas or providing new evidence, make it clear why understanding the rhetoric of the video through an Aristotelian lens is of value beyond that video.

Sample Video Paragraph

Hook Most Americans have a limited, if any, understanding of how the One-Child policy works in the life of the average Chinese mother or father. Context When we do think about it, it's usually about how the policy infringes on what we see as the rights of parents to have the size of family they desire. Video introduction in the video "The Loss" in the Life After Loss series found at the China Daily News website, viewers are provided an in-depth look at what many parents who have lost their only child in China go through, in large part due to China's one-child policy that limited most families to a single child in order to bring population growth under control in order to alleviate poverty. Springboard Passage In China in Ten Words, Hua Yu writes that "Environmental degradation, moral collapse, the polarization of rich and poor, pervasive corruption--all these things are constantly exacerbating the contradictions in Chinese society" (25). Transition to Thesis Despite all of these contradictions, the basic humanity of the Chinese people remains intact. Thesis No where can this basic humanity be seen in videos that depict the trauma experienced by parents who have lost the single child they were allowed under China's one-child policy.

Topic Statement One way viewers can see how the basic humanity of the Chinese remains intact is by the depicted actions of those parents seen in the video. Importance of topic Based on the limited understanding among westerners about life in China, one might expect a more stoic response from these parents, but what viewers of the video see in the faces of these parents is the anguish that would be felt by any parent who lost a child.
Viewers see a middle-aged mother describing her daughter's death from cancer, her daughter's decision to forgo chemotherapy. At first the mother's face appears as it would were she discussing almost any topic. She looks into the camera, betraying no particular emotion. But later as she discusses her daughter's decision, she begins to cry, her eyes puffy, reddened, with tears trickling down her cheeks as her eyes look away, off into some distance. This is followed by a father explaining the loss of his child. He stands, displaying video cassettes containing images of his son that he cannot bear to watch. Explanation looking back to thesis These actions, and all the others in the video, show a great deal of grief and anguish on the part of parents who have lost a child. In many respects, these parents could be anywhere. China. America, Africa. The grief they display is the grief that any parent, anywhere, would feel, an expression of the common humanity of parents everywhere.

Thursday's Class Meets in Library Room 211

Easiest access is through the back door facing the Music Building then up the stairs.

Submitting Essay One

Please submit your essay as an attached file via email. Send to bradleyDOTbleckATspokanefallsDOTedu. Word files or .rtf are the best formats to use for submissions. In subject line, please put your last name and "101." Due by midnight tonight, but I won't be watching the clock!

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